THE GUILT....it was the guilt. An overwhelming sense of guilt that I felt after eating my meal and actually enjoying it. Not just enjoying it a little, but REALLY enjoying it. I had that butterfly feeling in my stomach that I had gotten prior to me losing weight, that gives you that feel-good, comforting feeling that you get when you eat your favorite food. It was like I had gone back in time to when I was eating out all the time, not caring or even being concerned about what I was putting in my body. I couldn't believe that this one meal could take me back to this place. It was as if I was an alcoholic who had walked back into a bar and had a drink after a long time of sobriety.
To make matters worse, as I looked around the restaurant, the majority of the patrons there looked the way I used to look before Weight Watchers. Then the panic began. I was asking myself, "Am I headed back down this road? Why did THIS meal spur these feelings? Am I falling off? Am I failing myself and my members?"
After leaving the restaurant, my husband and I got in the car and on the drive home I started to explain to him what I was feeling. I thought that he was going to agree that maybe the burger place wasn't a good choice for dinner, confirming the guilty feelings I had toward our meal. Instead, he said something to me that he always reminds me of...Renee, you're HUMAN!
When ever he says this to me, it hits me like a ton of bricks and brings me back to reality. I go through my week as if a I am a machine. Every day I am tracking food, prepping meals and figuring out what my activity plan or training plan is for that week. I have done this for so long, that it truly is second nature to me. I rarely let myself go. I rarely allow myself to let my feelings or emotions guide me. I have to be honest, I am afraid to do that. I am afraid that if I let go and actually "feel" I will be right back where I started. But, can I truly live my life that way? My Inner Skinny Chick says: Don't forget, we are all human beings with feelings and emotions, not robots. There are times when you need to treat yourself. Don't forget to enjoy life and the things (food) that you enjoy. Just plan for it and use moderation. Don't apologize or even feel guilty for enjoying life.
I have to continue to remind myself of this. After all, who wouldn't enjoy a great burger with sweet potato tots? Enjoying the things you love is just HUMAN NATURE.